Only two weeks into the new school semester, I am already plagued with insomnia due to stress. Not a good sign for things to come. It’s 3:30am now and I have to be awake in 3 short hours. Due to some confusion about the prereqs required for my graduate program, I have to take organic chemistry in addition to my full grad school course load. This organic chemistry class meets four times a week at 8:30 in the morning at a university that’s a 25 minute drive away. The logistics of getting there on time and driving to Ann Arbor on time for my 10am class were difficult to work out. I thought I had settled into a routine, but now? I feel like its falling apart and its only been 2 weeks. I’m already behind in my work and assignments, which is unlike me. I feel like I cannot handle this course load and I don’t know what to do. I think another option might be to take organic chemistry during the summer semester, but I really wanted to get it over with now so I can graduate and really be finished with school.
It’s going to be long, difficult, semester. This winter in Michigan has been frigid, snowy, and dark. Day after day is the same overcast sky and hostile cold. This winter feels never ending. I want to be finished with school so I can move on with the next phase of my life. I am struggling to remain in the present, which like this insomnia, is also unlike me. I feel restless, frustrated, and impatient. Last semester I loved being in school, this semester I hate it. I feel like the only thing that will make me feel better is a solid nights sleep, which obviously is not happening tonight, nor did it happen last night. I don’t know how I’m going to get through the day tomorrow. I don’t think I’ll make it to chemistry tomorrow, which sucks because we have exam next week and we’re reviewing, and I desperately need the review.
I know I have to get out of this restless phase, I know that I will eventually. I just have to keep pushing forward and remind myself to enjoy what is around me now, and learn how to manage my time better to accommodate my course load. I can do this.